Originally Posted by
Steve M1911A1
berettabone gets the cigar.
Small guns are not for beginners. They are experts' weapons.
Learn to shoot well with a full-size gun first. Then switch to a mini-pistol, and learn to control it.
Many people make this same mistake, sometimes based on the really bad advice of a gun-shop commando: "Buy a little gun for the little lady."
First of all, get rid of those +P rounds. There is no need for them in a home-defense weapon.
Instead, switch to ordinary-velocity .38 Special cartridges which throw the heaviest bullet you can find, probably 158-grain slugs (jacketed, lead, hollow-point—whatever). These will present you with the softest possible felt recoil, so you can eventually learn to shoot this revolver effectively.
Finally, both you and your wife should learn pistol shooting using the heaviest, largest pistol you can comfortably support. As berettabone suggests, rent a few and try them out. (I taught my 4'11", 100-pounds-fully-dressed-and-sopping-wet wife to shoot using a Government Model 1911 in .45 ACP. She loved it.)
When you both are competent with the heavy gun, you can try to change to the .38 Special mini-pistol. At least one of you will be pleasantly surprised by the result.