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  1. #1
    usmcj's Avatar
    usmcj is offline Member
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    For dog...pet owners...

    FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

    FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, ITíS ALSO A TRUE STORY.

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.

    The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

    Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.

    Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

    It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN
    (1) They live here....you don't.

    (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
    ďfurĒ-niture.

    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

    (1) eat less,

    (2) don't ask for money all the time,

    (3) are easier to train,

    (4) normally come when called,

    (5) never ask to drive the car,

    (6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

    (7) don't smoke or drink,

    (8) don't want to wear your clothes,

    (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

    (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

    (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.....

  2. #2
    bruce333's Avatar
    bruce333 is offline HGF Forum Moderator
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    Love it!
    Bruce, Life Member: NRA, NCRPA, GRNC, GOA

    Naval Air Museum Barbers Point

    "I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain."--Jane Wagner
    "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom."
    -Isaac Asimov

  3. #3
    Cat's Avatar
    Cat
    Cat is offline Member
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    One for us pet lovers, Thanks CJ.. [IMG][/IMG]

  4. #4
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    Epic, sell their children, what a novel idea...

  5. #5
    Lee Hunter's Avatar
    Lee Hunter is online now Junior Member
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    Makes purrrfectly good sense to me.

  6. #6
    Packard is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by usmcj View Post
    ...(2) don't ask for money all the time,...
    My Chesapeake Bay Retriever was having a hard time getting around (he was seven years old); I spent the following:

    $ 2,000.00 + on X-rays, radiologists' reports and a visit to a canine neurologist.
    $ 5,500.00 on surgery to replace his right rear elbow with a new titanium one.
    $ 2,200.00 on a MRI of his spine because he was still having problems.
    $10,000.00 lost income because I had to take time off from work to nurse him back to health (he was too wounded to go to the kennel, come to work with me, or be left home alone.)

    He is fine now, but all the doctor's failed him at one point or another. The anti-seizure medication he was on was causing "ataxia" (spelling?), a weakness of the hind quarters. That weakness caused the odd gait he developed and resulted in the destroyed elbow. The MRI came back negative, so the diagnosis was nerve degeneration.

    We switched from the anti-seizure meds he was taking to another one. All the weakness (ataxia) disappeared. The diagnosis from the MRI was then judged to be erroneous.

    He is moving fine, seems fine, and is happy. I think he's good to go the distance. But anytime anyone says that dogs don't cost much clearly has not had my experiences. (My Doberman Pincher was similarly expensive.)

    From a non-dog owner's point of view, for $19,000.00 you could easily have bought 10 new dogs. Doesn't work for a dog owner, however.

    Other than that point, an amusing tale.

  7. #7
    usmcj's Avatar
    usmcj is offline Member
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    From a non-dog owner's point of view, for $19,000.00 you could easily have bought 10 new dogs. Doesn't work for a dog owner, however.

    Other than that point, an amusing tale.
    ...the point was that dogs don't ask for money, children do. Glad your dog is all right.

  8. #8
    Packard is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by usmcj View Post
    ...the point was that dogs don't ask for money, children do. Glad your dog is all right.
    Don't ask? You should have seen the look on his face when he blew out the elbow. "Ask" is not a strong enough word.

    He said, "Do something! It hurts!"

  9. #9
    zhurdan's Avatar
    zhurdan is offline Senior Member
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    Actually have this on my refrigerator, and yes, it's at dog height. Can't count the amount of times people bend over to read the whole thing. I always point out that the magnets holding it there are easily removed and replace due to their opposable thumbs. Then I point and laugh at them.

  10. #10
    Packard is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by zhurdan View Post
    Actually have this on my refrigerator, and yes, it's at dog height. Can't count the amount of times people bend over to read the whole thing. I always point out that the magnets holding it there are easily removed and replace due to their opposable thumbs. Then I point and laugh at them.
    I soaked some dog kibble in water until it turned into a paste. I added some yeast and some sugar and baked it in a muffin pan. The results looked exactly like bran muffins, and with the exception of a little bit of sugar it was real dog food--healthier than the milk bones that were available at that time.

    I used to give the dog one each night.

    One day a friend came over and when I was not looking he took one of the "bran muffins" and started eating it.

    "Interesting," he said after the first bite.

    "I guess it takes some getting used to," he commented after the second bite.

    "Those are dog muffins," I said.

    "Hmm. Not bad for dog muffins, but I've had better." (He stopped eating the rest of the muffin.)

  11. #11
    wingnutt57 is offline Junior Member
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    Excellent

  12. #12
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    chessail77 is offline Senior Member
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    Love it...thanks for the post and the smiles.....just brought a new one home from the shelter and I will have her read it.............JJ

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