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  1. #1
    s1mp13m4n is offline Junior Member
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    Advice wanted for talking to my wife about wanting to buy my first gun

    Hello everyone. I do not own a gun and have never bought one before. Now I have another thread here about helping me buy that first gun, so I will not go into that here. I am 36 and am living back at home with my wife and three year old daughter. Yeah it stinks, but those are the cards I have been dealt right now. My step dad told me that there is now way I am bringing and keeping a gun in his house....end of discussion. My wife is bi-polar and is taking meds everyday for this and goes to a therapist as well to manage it, so she is getting care. My wife is not comfortable having a gun that she has access to or knows where it is. There have been times where when her meds are not right she has wanted to kill herself.....in a bad spot of depression. Now I love my wife and do not want to go behind her back or betray her trust and also do not want to upset my stepdad. However, I want my first handgun.
    My cousin is like a brother to me and we are fairly close. He is a gun owner, hunter, and licensed gunsmith (on the side). He told me that I could buy the gun and he would store it for me at his house to be used whenever I wanted it. Doing this would keep a gun out of my stepdad's house and also keep it safely away from my wife who is a bit scared to have one around.
    I would like your thoughts and input on this strange issue. I do not NEED a gun, I WANT it. Yes I can shoot my cousin's guns whenever we hang out and go shooting, but there is something about owning and shooting my own gun. What are your thoughts on this issue? Thanks for the help.

  2. #2
    scooter's Avatar
    scooter is offline Supporting Member - Legally Armed Scooter Trash
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    As long as you dont give her access or bring it in your step dads house I dont see a problem?
    When you get a new place of your own buy a gunsafe and keep it in there,hide the keys and dont let her know the combo.
    And you never know about the future....when the zombie apocolypse comes they may want you to run get it quick

  3. #3
    Brevard13 is offline Member
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    I agree with scooter. Just tell her that you want a handgun for whatever reason be it target shooting, self defense, competitions, or just to have. Tell her you also took her and her wishes into consideration. Tell her you are going to buy a safe in which to keep the gun. Tell her she will not know the combination or have the keys to access the gun. She may still be apprehensive, but don't push her just ask her to think about it. My other advice is if you leave the house and she is there screw the safe and take the gun with you. If you are there you can always keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't put herself in jeopardy.

    As far as your step-dad goes. What he doesn't know won't hurt him...LOL. My mom couldn't stand guns. I had plenty of them she never knew about.

  4. #4
    dondavis3's Avatar
    dondavis3 is offline Senior Member
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    +1 scooter

  5. #5
    berettabone is offline Banned
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    Get the gun, and get a safe, and tell them both, to go to H.......no sense having a weapon, and storing it somewhere else....won't have it when you need it.....

  6. #6
    Russ is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by s1mp13m4n View Post
    Hello everyone. I do not own a gun and have never bought one before. Now I have another thread here about helping me buy that first gun, so I will not go into that here. I am 36 and am living back at home with my wife and three year old daughter. Yeah it stinks, but those are the cards I have been dealt right now. My step dad told me that there is now way I am bringing and keeping a gun in his house....end of discussion. My wife is bi-polar and is taking meds everyday for this and goes to a therapist as well to manage it, so she is getting care. My wife is not comfortable having a gun that she has access to or knows where it is. There have been times where when her meds are not right she has wanted to kill herself.....in a bad spot of depression. Now I love my wife and do not want to go behind her back or betray her trust and also do not want to upset my stepdad. However, I want my first handgun.
    My cousin is like a brother to me and we are fairly close. He is a gun owner, hunter, and licensed gunsmith (on the side). He told me that I could buy the gun and he would store it for me at his house to be used whenever I wanted it. Doing this would keep a gun out of my stepdad's house and also keep it safely away from my wife who is a bit scared to have one around.
    I would like your thoughts and input on this strange issue. I do not NEED a gun, I WANT it. Yes I can shoot my cousin's guns whenever we hang out and go shooting, but there is something about owning and shooting my own gun. What are your thoughts on this issue? Thanks for the help.
    Dude your wife is bi-polor and on medication. She would never qualify for a gun. Why would you want to endanger your wife, child, extended family, neigbors, friends, strangers including the milk man etc. End of discussion...no gun even if you have a safe. You will never forgive yourself is something tragic happened.

    Russ

  7. #7
    Aargon276 is offline Junior Member
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    Getting a gun box with a numeric keypad would be your best bet. If you feel you need or want a gun you shouldn't let something like that hold you back. You could get a lock box with the numeric keypad for $50-$100. Keep it in a place in the house that is not normally accessed, top of closet under the bathroom sink under the dresser in the room. As long as you are the only one that knows the combination you should be alright. I think that owning a gun is a right you should take advantage of as an American citizens. The pros outweigh the cons in every situation.

  8. #8
    manta's Avatar
    manta is offline Junior Member
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    I think if you can't change their minds then you have to respect their wishes about bringing a gun into the house. Some saying tell them to go to he** if they don't like it is just stupid and would be disrespectful to your wife and step father. All you can do is try to change their minds or keep it at your cousins.

  9. #9
    FNISHR is offline Member
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    I like Scooter's take on this. It's a complex subject, but that looks like the best approach to me.

  10. #10
    ronmail65 is offline Member
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    I didn't hear the Op say he "wanted" the gun for protection -- so it sounds like it's more for recreation. If that's the case, then I say it's not worth compromising the safety of your wife or creating a rift with your family. Save yourself several hundred dollars and don't get one. If you want to go shoot, borrow your cousin's gun or rent one at the range. There's no need to create problems at home -- your family is more important. Find another recreational activity.

    If, on the other hand, you really feel the need for a gun at home and/or for carry for personal protection... Well then get a gun safe and don't share the combination. But it sounds like it's gonna cause problems.

    Of course if you don't get one now (which I think is a good decision) and she does something against your wishes that's really stupid.... you can play that card later if you want to go that route!!

  11. #11
    scooter's Avatar
    scooter is offline Supporting Member - Legally Armed Scooter Trash
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    Quote Originally Posted by ronmail65 View Post
    Of course if you don't get one now (which I think is a good decision) and she does something against your wishes that's really stupid.... you can play that card later if you want to go that route!!

    Hmmmm....so you think its not ok to get one now, with the proper safety precautions in place first, but it is ok to get one later for revenge if she does something he doesnt like??? Your kung fu is REALLY lame here.

  12. #12
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    John2393 is offline Junior Member
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    I have a similar situation. My wife n i live with her mom temporarily and she HATES guns. But i already own them. My wife is bipolar and medicated for it as well. So what I do, this is just me, is i never get them out, clean them,etc... around ma-in-law. I keep my 44 in the bugout bag in my closet and a speedloader full of specials in the nightstand where only i know where they are. But ive always owned guns and my wife not only leaves them alone but she could care less to even try to shoot it.

    But it sounds like YOU are in a situation where becomming a handgun owner isnt in the stars for you right now! I would suggest u just shoot ur cousins guns (maybe buy the bullets and have him take u to the range with his guns?) At least until you get your own place again. And even then, if your wife has SAID she doesnt trust heraelf around a handgun, you should be having aome major red flags popping up about owning a pistol.
    Just a word to the wise...but if someone says "please dont put a deadly weapon in my reach as i cannot gurantee i wont do something bad with it..." ummm... DONT.

  13. #13
    chessail77's Avatar
    chessail77 is offline Senior Member
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    +1 on Scooter's reply

  14. #14
    SouthernBoy's Avatar
    SouthernBoy is online now Senior Member
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    When you're a guest in someone's else's domain, you pretty much have to do as they say. Your cousin may be your best bet with this one. I would not take a firearm into the environment you have described.

  15. #15
    Steve M1911A1's Avatar
    Steve M1911A1 is offline Senior Member
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    I gotta go with Russ and SouthernBoy on this one.

    You might do differently when you live in your own home, but I suggest that your wife's condition precludes keeping a gun in the house.
    Were it me, I would even lock up the kitchen knives, unless her physician tells you something different.

    Keeping a "44 in the bugout bag in my closet and a speedloader full of specials in the nightstand where only i know where they are" seems to me to be an invitation to disaster. Wives can be as persistently curious as a child is, and children are always unsafe if left with unsupervised access to a gun.

  16. #16
    Holly's Avatar
    Holly is offline Member
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    Having spent my entire life taking care of my schizoaffective bi-polar mother, I have more experience than the average bear with this situation. If you keep a gun in your home, not your step-father's, you will NEVER be careful enough that you could assure your wife's safety. If she wants to get to it, she will. Trust me on this one. TRUST ME, please. However, if you have the option of storing your new gun in another person's home, that makes it a different situation...

  17. #17
    Holly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve M1911A1 View Post
    Were it me, I would even lock up the kitchen knives, unless her physician tells you something different.
    I spent YEARS with the only key to our "sharp" drawer, where we kept kitchen knives, pizza cutters, etc... I also had the key to a medication safe.

    My opinion is that having a gun in your home is a terrible idea.

  18. #18
    Holly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aargon276 View Post
    Getting a gun box with a numeric keypad would be your best bet. If you feel you need or want a gun you shouldn't let something like that hold you back. You could get a lock box with the numeric keypad for $50-$100. Keep it in a place in the house that is not normally accessed, top of closet under the bathroom sink under the dresser in the room. As long as you are the only one that knows the combination you should be alright. I think that owning a gun is a right you should take advantage of as an American citizens. The pros outweigh the cons in every situation.
    The pros outweigh the cons in EVERY situation?? How about the situation where a man loses his wife and a child loses her mother?

    Sir, I have to disagree with you.

  19. #19
    Steve M1911A1's Avatar
    Steve M1911A1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Holly View Post
    I spent YEARS with the only key to our "sharp" drawer, where we kept kitchen knives, pizza cutters, etc... I also had the key to a medication safe.

    My opinion is that this is a terrible idea.
    Hey, Holly...
    What's a terrible idea? Locking the knives up? Or not locking them up, if the woman's doctor says she's OK with them?
    Since you have experience, please clarify the point.

    (My feeling is that locking the knives up is the best idea, but I would at least listen to a doctor's advice if it were otherwise.)

  20. #20
    Holly's Avatar
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    I just read your first post, asking for advice on a gun.

    I was unaware that you intended to use this gun for personal protection. With that information, you should not keep a gun at your cousin's house, as it would do you no good. Since I've already made my opinion clear about keeping a gun around your wife, my advise is that you do not buy a gun.

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