first off, i lost patience and only read about half the replies so if I am repeating then I apologize.

For an inexpensive mid size with decocker and safety check out the ruger P94 and P93 models (both discontinued but plenty online for sale).
For economical guns i recommend a company called cdnn that does overstocks, discontinued models, police buybacks, etc.

But I think you need to do some test firing of a few guns via rentals (even if they don't have the exact models you are looking for it will give you an idea whcih features you like) and hit a good size gun show to just feel up and try on a bunch of different models.

I would also recommend a basic handguns 101 type class.