To begin let me welcome you to the forum.
The three weapons you list are all good choices. The primary differences are feel and cost. Some control differences but those are secondary IMHO.
I would add S&W's M&P series to the group.
I prefer a full size rather than compact and carry a M&P40 daily. Longer guns will be easier to shoot accurately especialy for a newbie.
You will need to do a fair amount of shooting to become proficient so I reccomend you stick with 9MM for cost reasons.
Unless really strapped for cash I would purchase new. I don't believe you will save enough to justify starting with a possible problem child. People sell guns that they don't like or have problems with(same thing).
If you and your wife will be using the same gun to start you might want to lean towards one with adjustable size grips such as the M&P.
Good luck and enjoy your new activity.