Tasty looking little critters. Now a little long grain wild rice and a few veggies to go with. Yum. Ever try the old fashioned way to get 'em? with a broom.......
Years ago (and no i wil NOT define that better) i was renovating a mud room into a pantry for a NYC couple up here in Farm Country. Well, Friday before leaving for the weekend, I popped one of those "painted pie plate" covers in the flu to the chimney, closed the new doors, and left......
Come Monday morning, i open the new door, and....CRAP.. something had chewed the whole bottom of the sliding glass door to the outside.
Well, a little searching revealed a scared crapless grey squirrel in a corner. I opened the glass door for him, closed the new door, and with my boss watching for this little savage, i banged on the wall near his hide out with the handle of a broom.
That did it. You've seen the little buggers head for freedom jogging left and right on the yellow line. well at 55 they may seem slow. In a 12x18 room they are not slow. Eventually he headed up the bricks of the chimney for his entry route. (did i mention that pie plate thing was on the floor when i came in friday and I put it back in the thimble of the chimney?)
No dice. some idiot had put a shiny painted pie plate over his entry hole. And of course with the 2 brains cells he had to rub together he KNEW that he couldn't get out the door, he had chewed on it ALL DAMN WEEKEND to try that.
I cautiously open the door where i was and step in with broom in hand. There is the cute (HA) little bugger hanging face down on the chimney. There am I, standing next to my boss.
A little side note here. Do you know about flying squirrels? they dont really fly of course, just glide like those crazy Norwegians who jump off the cliffs and wear funny suits. Why, you ask, is this relevent? Well, back to our regularly scheduled program.
When last we left you, our hero (me) the evil henchman in disguise as a good guy (my boss) and the Anti Hero (that damn squirrel) were facing off in a trianlge. It is at this time that the Squirrel showed his true self and LAUNCHED (remember that aside above?) himself at my boss. Now my boss showed HIS true colors, and jumped behind me, grabbed my shirt, and thrust me at the squirrel.
Did you all know that when threatened enough to attack something enough bigger than it that a foot would squish it, a squirrel grows 4 extra limbs and 12" long fangs? I mention this because I DID NOT KNOW THAT. However, as this little killing buzz saw was flying at me, with the dasterdly boss thrusting me at it like a shield..... I watched this metemorphis take place.
Hey have you all heard Ray Stevens song "Mississippi Squirrel Revival"? Funny freakin song.
Oh, what happened? Somehow my befogged attacking brain shut down and reflex took over. I believe i have mentioned before that i study Aikido. I particulalry like studying Aiki- Jo which is a 4' staff. remember that broom i was holding? I batted the little bugger right out the open (and costly, damn it) sliding glass door.
I watched him light on the grass outside facing me, ready for round two. At this point his evil transformation reversed and he realized he was outside. He turned and ran. I turned to my boss and...well, this is a family board. (did i mention that squirrel destroyed a perfectly good (and expensive) sliding glass door?)
If your sides have stopped hurting from laughing, please leave a tip on the way out (and yes, it is a true story)