This topic has been done over and over again on countless gun boards. Twice by me.
I did a poll on two different gun forums and in .40 S&W the two top contenders seem to be Speer Gold Dot 165 Gr. And Remington Golden Saber.
I use a variation of the 165 Gr. Gold Dot bullet loaded by Double Tap.
1140fps 476 ft/lbs from a 3.5"bbl.
1240fps 563 ft/lbs from a 4.5"bbl.
Respectable numbers and they function well in my firearms.
What ever you decide, invest in a few hundred rounds and make sure they feed reliably in your Weapon of choice.