My wife is on the small side, and we have recently been through the same search. She likes my Ruger P89 (9mm) as it is accurate and has little recoil. However, it is a bit big and bulky, not a good choice for concealed carry. She also has some difficulty racking the slide. She managed to trim a couple of fingernails to the quick once while she was practicing the slide rack.
We test fired a lot of different guns (a good thing to do with your wife), and she finally decided on the Bersa Thunder .380. She is deadly accurate with it, can rack the slide without much problem, can load it, and now carries it concealed (mostly in her purse or a belly pack).
Her second favorite gun is an S&W Model 60 (.357/.38) revolver with a three inch barrel. Not much recoil, easy to load and shoot, but a bit bulkier than the Bersa.
Decide what you want the gun for, then go out and shoot a bunch of them, and let her decide.
BTW, my wife didn't think she liked shooting too much until we started using double ear protection. Foamies in the ear canal, headset over the ears. That recuced the noise from the other shooters enough that she no longer jumps when the guy next to us fires.
She can shoot better than I can, and usually outfishes me. I love her anyway.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Never argue with drunks or crazy people.