When i got my XD 45 it was during a S&W m&p 45 promo but i had my heart set on the XD. So i pasd on th S&W. Both are nice. I later owned a tactical XD 40 which i really liked. So i too say XDs are great.
Ruger has always been one of my favs for revolvers. I own one now. Plus i own a MK II 22. Love em both. The only otgee semi auto ruger i owned was a P89 45. Didnt much like it. Since then ive never personally liked their semi autos.
Lots of people do though, so to each hia own.
I think you should lean more towards the other 2 tho. The m&p has interchangeable grip parts. The bacstrap swaps out to accomoodate hand sizes. You may like that since u have bannanna hqnds like me. Theyre both nice. I would feel them and gauge for yourself.