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  1. #1
    JFord.'s Avatar
    JFord. is offline Junior Member
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    NOT allowed in the house!?

    Hello all

    First off, I love the site. Lots of good info.
    I just recently decided to possibly purchase my first handgun (possibly revolver??). I made 21 this past march, an 22 is fast approaching. I've been I'm the army reserves for 3 yrs now.

    Anyway. I currently live with my girlfriend, and the otherday, I decided to discuss with her my recent interest in buying a handgun. She explained to me how she felt, an that she would not allow a gun in the house. After a LONG convesation, I made it clear that I WOULD be getting a gun anyway.

    She came to me said " I would feel alot better if you kept it a room other than the bedroom in a locked box." I really appreciate her decision to "compromise" but what good would the gun do me in another room? We don't have any children, there is almost never any in our home.

    If there is ever an event in which I would need to use my gun, it being in another room makes it useless. I live in CA so it's not like I can just go and obtain a ccw.

    I'm trying to be an understanding and diplomatic boyfriend. But she is making this very difficult. I'm almost ready to tell her " shut the f**k up, I AM getting a gun. And it WILL be easily accessible to me. DAMNIT!"

    How can I accomplish what I want without putting any stress or strain on our relationship.

    I'm TRYING do what I think is the right thing.

    Thnx.

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  3. #2
    Willy D's Avatar
    Willy D is offline Member
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    What are her reasons for you NOT keeping it in the bedroom? Would she go for you keeping it in the bedroom but locked up? This way only you have access to it? What are her fears about it? What you need to do (I am not saying you aren't doing this) is to try and listen to what she says and understand why she is saying it...and in the end DO NOT say or act like "well, you are stupid and those reasons are stupid and just tough shit, I am getting a gun and doing what I want with it no matter what you say"

    Maybe give it time and multiple discussions about it. Don't force it. Try and do a comprimise...Do not let your buddies talk to her and hammer on her...She will only feel ganged up on...if worst comes to worst, get the gun lock it up and put it in another room and then keep discussing it...if she has real fears, listen to her and try to work it out...Don't take the stance that you are right and she is wrong and that is that (even if she appears to be doing that from her point of view) If she has a reason, then she has a reason...Listen to what she says...I mean listen..Not just let her talk as if you could care less about what she is saying...if you let her talk and you seem hell bent on blowing off everything she says and then your response is "well that is just totally stupid and makes no sense" that will get you nowhere...

    I am saying all of this taking into account that this person is someone you care a great deal about and your relationship is serious...

    Willy

  4. #3
    zhurdan's Avatar
    zhurdan is offline Senior Member
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    YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!!

    I guess it depends... if she's worth it, buy a thumbprint lockable box and attach it to the wall in the bedroom. If she's not worth it, carry it around all the time and pet it and call it George, she'll probably leave. Of course, this all assumes it's your apartment. hehehe

    Zhur

  5. #4
    JFord.'s Avatar
    JFord. is offline Junior Member
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    Well her first reason was

    " you are in the army, and you are trained to kill. I don't want you to "snap" and decide to kill me"

    I explained that I love her and would nver do such a thing.
    And about an hour long conversation and this she finaly understood
    That I was incapable of doing anything like that

    I then asked her why I could not keep it locked in our bedroom.
    She said that she just did not want it in he same room she sleeps in.
    But she could give a real reason. The fingerprint lock sounds like a good idea. I will run that by her.
    I feel I may have to wait a while to brim the issue up again to avoid any unecessary conflict.

    This is really difficult and becoming very frustrating.

  6. #5
    js's Avatar
    js
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFord. View Post

    She said that she just did not want it in he same room she sleeps in.
    "bing bang boom! hair out...hamburger time" - William Murderface

  7. #6
    Growler67's Avatar
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    If the discussion is one sided then there is no chance for a reasonable compromise. At this point of discovery, it is time to reevaluate the situation. If closed minds remain such, no compromise is possible and it's time to separate. Otherwise, it WILL end up coming back into question and be used as ammunition by both parties at some point in time in the future.

    Sorry, I'm just cold that way when having to make an objective evaluation (occupational hazard). Seriously though, if it didn't come up now, it would've eventually. Will either of you be more open minded and come up with a reasonable compromise? In general, those that are THAT set against them have no interest in nor idea of what a compromise is. I guess an exposure at a range would be out of the question much like showing her some of the recent posts on a forum like this one where a members wife (who was against) was robbed at work and changed her mind.

    Perhaps trying to get through the wall with anicdotes would be helpful before it's all over. Does she know that she and her home have been exempted from any "home invasion" target list? How often is that list renewed? Does she know where, when and how she is to be accosted or assautled so she that can avoid that scheduled event due to a "scheduling conflict"? Is the "ideal plane of exixtense" in which she chooses to live SO free of crime and misguided individuals that "nothing bad EVER" happens? Is this in a state called "Utopia"?

    Sorry, but Utopian Ideals are just that, Ideals. Ideals cannot exist in the real world and so......."when seconds count, just remember that help is only minutes away." I have nothing against optimists. But when they cross the line into Utopian Idealists, I break contact with the hope that i can avoid any future recurrance. This is not a perfect world by any means and this is just one issue that can efficiently draw the spotlight onto who I will and won't maintain contact with.

    Whatever your outcome, good luck.

  8. #7
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    Kinda like my story. My new wife was dead set against guns. Being an infantry soldier for 24 years, guns are and always will be a part of my life. I told her no problem. One Saturday I said "lets go" She said "where?" I said "you'll see." Went out to the range. Loaded up a Glock 23 and said "here have at it." After several magazines, and she isn't a bad shot at all, I loaded everything back in the truck and we went home.

    She no longer even asks when I have a IWB on!!!! Oh yeah we celebrate 12 years of marriage in May!!!!!!

  9. #8
    TOF's Avatar
    TOF
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    Shades of things to come!

    You are at the first stage of being molded into what SHE thinks you should be.

    Next is Beer or no Beer and what brand etc. etc. etc.


    It's your life and you are of age so don't ask us what to do, make your own decisions. You are the one that has to live with them.

    Good luck

  10. #9
    DGreenplate's Avatar
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    Run

    GET OUT!!! If its not this issue it will be something else.

  11. #10
    kenn's Avatar
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    My Wife

    The only mistake you are making is that women are wired like us. They are a mystery we will never be able to explain.

    My wife used to be that way. Back when she was my girlfriend someone broke into their apartment in the middle of the night and sexually assaulted her room mate. Thank God she was not there.

    gun myth debunked, play this for her:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_YTM_eAWnQ

    Ask a girl:
    This is gun advice from a woman's point of view:
    http://www.corneredcat.com/

    especially this page:
    http://www.corneredcat.com/Ethics/mrsdutoit.aspx

    BTW:" you are in the army, and you are trained to kill. I don't want you to "snap" and decide to kill me"

    My wife saying that would kind of bother me.

    Best of luck to you.

  12. #11
    tekhead1219's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DGreenplate View Post
    GET OUT!!! If its not this issue it will be something else.
    RUN Forrest, RUN...

  13. #12
    Bob Wright's Avatar
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    At this point she's still girlfriend.

    Simple: get a new girlfriend.


    I'm not being facetious. If you don't have that much in common now, it'll worsen. If she doesn't fully trust you now, at this stage, you will have problems on down the road.

    Bob Wright

  14. #13
    BeefyBeefo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Wright View Post
    If she doesn't fully trust you now, at this stage, you will have problems on down the road.
    +1

    That is by far the biggest issue in my opinion.

    My advice....

    -Jeff-

  15. #14
    JFord.'s Avatar
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    Before reading the new replies, I talked to her about the fingerprint boxes and she said that would be ok.

    After all of the drama a simple box ( that I would have gotten anyway)
    Solved the problem.

    But reading some of the replies makes me think about future issues in the relationship. But I won't you with any of that.

    I was looking at brand called "gun vault".
    Anyone have any. Experience with those?

    Also, thanks for all the input. Very good points and advice.

  16. #15
    bruce333's Avatar
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    There's a thread on the subject of small gun safes right here:
    Favorite small safe for pistol???
    Bruce, Life Member: NRA, NCRPA, GRNC, GOA

    Naval Air Museum Barbers Point

    "I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain."--Jane Wagner
    "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom."
    -Isaac Asimov

  17. #16
    Aarolar's Avatar
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    Get out now while you can and find someone who has more in common with you, not being ugly about this but but seriously it's not worth it. Another thought is if you snap and decide to kill her chances are you wouldn't need a gun so that's a poor argument to me...

  18. #17
    bprince04305 is offline Junior Member
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    :" you are in the army, and you are trained to kill. I don't want you to "snap" and decide to kill me"

    My wife saying that would kind of bother me.

    +1 That s a big statement! I say take her to range and let her shoot it. The thumb safe idea kinda defeats the purpose of the gun, since you not being home, and something happens leaves her pretty much defenseless. Fyi I'd run away from a girl that thinks Im gonna snap one day and kill her.

  19. #18
    Spokes is offline Junior Member
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    Lots of nice wimen out there.
    Plenty are the conservative type.

  20. #19
    JeffWard's Avatar
    JeffWard is offline Senior Member
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    " you are in the army, and you are trained to kill. I don't want you to "snap" and decide to kill me"

    Relationships are based first and foremost in trust...

    Ummm...

    She doesn't trust you.

    Quit wasting your time.

    Or... If you feel you MIGHT "just snap", and she's right... tell HER to run... Then get some help.

    JeffWard

  21. #20
    FL2011 is offline Junior Member
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    Looks like you kind of found a solution.....

    I'll definitely echo what someone else said about taking her shooting. Has she shot before, did she grow up around guns at all? If not then a lot of this could just be her reacting against something that's strange to her, especially since the media tries to beat into the general public's head that having a handgun in the house is very dangerous and there is no rational reason why someone would want one.

    Recently came across this link: http://www.gunowners.org/sk0802.htm Goes into good detail about various statistics and shows how biased some of those early studies were that came to the conclusion that having a gun in the house is something like X times more dangerous....yadda, yadda, yadda.

    But offer to take her to the range. Explain about wanting to keep her safe at home, show her some of the recent news stories of home invasions and even women who successfully defend themselves with a gun.

    Taking the "mystery" out of it by having her actually shoot one and then rationally explaining a guns role in self-defense could go a LONG way. I wouldn't say my wife is against guns at all, but initially she was reluctant when I wanted to get my first handgun. She had never handled/shot a gun in her life and I think it was mostly just the "unknown" that kept her from really giving it serious thought. Well after recently taking a handgun/concealed carry class that her work offered she's coming around. She actually had a good time shooting and came home excited telling me how the instructor let her handle some of their auto rifles.

  22. #21
    usmamg's Avatar
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    Top Ten reasons a Gun is better than a Girlfriend/Wife

    10. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.

    9. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.

    8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.

    7. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

    6. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.

    5. Guns don't take up much closet space.

    4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

    3. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

    2. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.

    1. You can buy a silencer for a gun!

  23. #22
    nx95240 is offline Junior Member
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    hope every thing works out for you with the hand gun problem. for me i think if she doesnot like the hand gun now she will never like it..

  24. #23
    Willy D's Avatar
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    well..I just I want to make a few points on this...

    I looked at the original post...you are 21, so I am assuming that she is around that age...I am 41 and I can tell you that some people at that young age can make statements that don't make much sense..I take it as it can be directly related to that...I bought my first handgun about a year ago. I had several people scratch their heads. My girlfriend even said no she did not want me to have one..Alot of people may not understand things about the guns and about why you would want one and you also have to make every effort to make sure that you take the right steps in buying and owning a gun..it is a big responsibility...Guns scare people and they should...What you have is something that can be loaded and kill someone by grade school aged kid...A grade school aged kid is not likely to kill an adult in hand to hand combat, but if they have a loaded gun in their hands, they could kill anyone...

    Also....not one person on this forum knows you or her (I assume) and none of us know if you have known her for a week or a day or 10 years. if you (like me) show signs of aggression during situations where you shouldn't, she may very well have a legitimate reason to fear you especially if you acquire a gun. What if family or friends of her had situations where someone was former military that went off and that put a fear into her about you (not sayng anything bad about you or ANYONE who is or was in the military)...Talking to her and getting all this info and getting a sense of the feelings/fears and finding a way to work through it is what you need to do..if you have known her for a short time and this is one of many issues that make you doubt being with her, then that is where you need to decide for yourself...but if you have known her and been with her for five years and feel everything is good and this is an issue that just popped up, YOU need to decide if it is worth working through or walking away...

    If you think you are going to find someone who sees eye to eye on every issue and stance you take, good luck....if you feel that your thoughts and ways of looking at things are the only way and she better conform...good luck on that one too...

    I am not taking anyones side on this...I feel that you want a gun and you want to keep it in your house for self protection of yourself and her. I feel that is a good thing and I agree that she will see it that way too in the end...Get her involved...talk to her about it..maybe try to find a course of training to take. Ask her to get involved with it too if she would like. people often take stances against things they fear because they know nothing or very little about it...

    I will leave you with this thought...When I came to a point to buy my first handgun, I was convinced I was going to...My girlfriend was reluctant to share my enthusiasm, but...she is not my wife and she knew I was going to and we talked about it...I explained things to her....I was firm but non threatening about it....She now loves to go with me to watch me shoot and she will also shoot...She knows how the guns work and she knows how to handle and shoot them...it is something we share in and if you would have asked her a year ago she would have said she had no desire to shoot or learn anything about guns...but now she does not feel that way...

    Willy

  25. #24
    buck32's Avatar
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    I have been watching this thread from the beginning and wondering if or how I should respond. Thanking God I have been married for 21+ years to the same woman who will go shooting, hunting, camping, clean the house, take care of the kids, picked me up when I was laid off after 21+ years at the same organization and ultimately be my best friend. We have been through the good times and the bad.

    I believe Willy D has said it best so far.

    We can give you ideas on how to introduce your GF to firearms, how to manage your relationship, etc. Ultimately, only you can make the decision what is good for you and your relationship with your GF.

    I wish you luck and hope you can work it out.

  26. #25
    48dodge's Avatar
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    It's not the irrational fear of guns that bothers me here. It's the irrational fear of you.

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