Because of the size, weight, and design, a metal framed 9 should have less felt recoil than a charter arms revo.

And yes, there are less powerful 9's available, but like all 9's will be difficult to find. Try a 147 gr subsonic, especially those made for cans.

Do you reload?

If you already do it or are willing to do it you can just use 125 grs .358" or .356 gauge lead bullets onto 38 sp cases with a light powder load and your 38 or 357 revo will nearly feel like a .22

As mentioned by the above post if you reload you can make a low recoil load. In my experience with a S&W 940 the recoil is close to a .357 magnum than a .38 special. It shocked me the first time I fired it. If you are going to be shooting factory ammunition and want a low recoiling revolver I would stick to a .38 or .32.

I concur with the above post. 9mm revolvers can be a little snappy, especially with the hotter loads and lighter guns. I shoot a friends Taurus 9mm snubby with 115 gr Corbon loads and it is just like shooting a tiny 357. A small 38 with standard loads might be a better choice.