Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    falshman70's Avatar
    falshman70 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    No VA & coastal SC
    Posts
    495

    Talking An Interesting History Lesson

    Via an email I received:

    Subject: A reading of History



    For centuries, humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of the wheel, and the invention of beer. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'


    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

    Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide how to redistribute the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in later, after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history and anthropology:
    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.

  2. Ads
  3. #2
    2400's Avatar
    2400 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    AZ
    Posts
    2,744

  4. #3
    Baldy's Avatar
    Baldy is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Port St.John,FL.
    Posts
    6,741

    Thumbs up

    You got that right.

  5. #4
    Revolver's Avatar
    Revolver is offline Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    897
    I dislike beer.

  6. #5
    scooter's Avatar
    scooter is offline Supporting Member - Legally Armed Scooter Trash
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2,031
    Quote Originally Posted by Revolver View Post
    I dislike beer.
    +1
    I know what ya mean, betcha I'm the only Texan you'll ever hear admit they think beer tastes like what chilled dog piss must taste like

    Now Jack Daniels is another story completely

  7. #6
    samskara's Avatar
    samskara is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Austin, TX/ College Station, TX
    Posts
    131
    Beer is for the ignorant, drink Cider, more alcohol and it actually tastes GOOD. For formal occasions drink Port.

  8. #7
    john doe. is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    US
    Posts
    2,850
    I'm not a beer drinker either but I love the history leason. I'm going to send this on to one of my left leaning brothers who drinks beer. He'll get a kick out of it. He's slowly standing more upright instead of leaning so far left. He's at a disadvantage though. He lives in California.

  9. #8
    J.R.'s Avatar
    J.R. is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    220
    Quote Originally Posted by scooter View Post
    +1
    I know what ya mean, betcha I'm the only Texan you'll ever hear admit they think beer tastes like what chilled dog piss must taste like

    Now Jack Daniels is another story completely
    Jack Daniels USED to be my drinkof choice, until I found Black Bush Irish Whiskey The thing with Libreals still holds TRUE no matter what you drink(except wine) Randall

  10. #9
    john doe. is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    US
    Posts
    2,850
    Quote Originally Posted by J.R. View Post
    Jack Daniels USED to be my drinkof choice, until I found Black Bush Irish Whiskey The thing with Libreals still holds TRUE no matter what you drink(except wine) Randall
    You got that right. The city I live in seems to be more left than the overall Flathead valley. I couldn't believe the wine selection when we got here. They got wines here like they had beer in Iowa.

Ads

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •