You Know you live in the USA wen..

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    1. #1
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      You Know you live in the USA wen..

      you have Sunday lunch, you need a bottle red wine and the liquor store in your county is closed because it is holy Sunday.

    2. #2
      Senior Member paratrooper's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by PT111Pro View Post
      you have Sunday lunch, you need a bottle red wine and the liquor store in your county is closed because it is holy Sunday.


      The grocery stores where I live sell alcohol 7 days a week.

    3. #3
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      The liquor stores are closed here, too, but my little town has at least 10 wineries with Sunday hours. If I skip across either state line there are dozens more. There is a definite plus to living in grape country.
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    4. #4
      Junior Member lewwallace's Avatar
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      Make yer own, then its always on hand!!

    5. #5
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      Quote Originally Posted by paratrooper View Post
      The grocery stores where I live sell alcohol 7 days a week.
      Well - yea - I know - but that means I have to run all the way to town.

    6. #6
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      Quote Originally Posted by lewwallace View Post
      Make yer own, then its always on hand!!
      I've got grapes but..
      would you teach me how?

    7. #7
      Senior Member paratrooper's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by PT111Pro View Post
      I've got grapes but..
      would you teach me how?

      It's easy! Just get a big vat, dump a whole bunch of grapes in it, take off your shoes, get in and stomp around until it's all liquid. Let it sit and age for several years and you're ready to go.

      The above may or may not be accurate. I'm just going by what I've heard..............
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    8. #8
      Senior Member Steve M1911A1's Avatar
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      paratrooper is almost right.
      He just left out some important details.

      First of all, make sure that your feet are not clean, and that there's lots of "toe jam" between the digits. That's where the yeast which ferments the wine comes from.

      Next, you need to choose whether you're making red wine or white wine. If it's red wine, you leave the grape skins in the mix. But if you're making white wine, you need to remove the grape skins. I think that this is best done from inside the fermentation vat. Also, to be absolutely certain that the resulting wine will be white, you need to very carefully remove all of those skins. This is best done with the fingers, one by one. From inside, remember.

      Then, you leave the juice to ferment. It develops a nasty-looking, gray goop on top, but ignore that. It also attracts insects and mice, but ignore them, too, because they just add flavor and body to the resulting wine. (But you do need to make sure that the mice are dead. Otherwise, they drink too much of the juice.)

      And that's it. In just a few short months (the ones with only 30 days—ignore those pesky 31-day months) you will have a vat of delicious wine. Decant it from the vat into whatever you have handy: Jelly jars, beer bottles, old shoes...best is the old rubber hot-water bottle from your bed. Seal them with whatever's handy. Used condoms are fine.

      Enjoy!
      hillman, PT111Pro and Greybeard like this.

    9. #9
      Member hillman's Avatar
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      Wow! An old-school wine aficionado!


    10. #10
      Senior Member SouthernBoy's Avatar
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      Liquor stores, which are state owned and run, are open on Sunday in Virginia.

    11. #11
      Senior Member paratrooper's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Steve M1911A1 View Post
      paratrooper is almost right.
      He just left out some important details.

      First of all, make sure that your feet are not clean, and that there's lots of "toe jam" between the digits. That's where the yeast which ferments the wine comes from.

      Next, you need to choose whether you're making red wine or white wine. If it's red wine, you leave the grape skins in the mix. But if you're making white wine, you need to remove the grape skins. I think that this is best done from inside the fermentation vat. Also, to be absolutely certain that the resulting wine will be white, you need to very carefully remove all of those skins. This is best done with the fingers, one by one. From inside, remember.

      Then, you leave the juice to ferment. It develops a nasty-looking, gray goop on top, but ignore that. It also attracts insects and mice, but ignore them, too, because they just add flavor and body to the resulting wine. (But you do need to make sure that the mice are dead. Otherwise, they drink too much of the juice.)

      And that's it. In just a few short months (the ones with only 30 days—ignore those pesky 31-day months) you will have a vat of delicious wine. Decant it from the vat into whatever you have handy: Jelly jars, beer bottles, old shoes...best is the old rubber hot-water bottle from your bed. Seal them with whatever's handy. Used condoms are fine.

      Enjoy!


      I was a lot closer than I thought I was.

      I didn't mention dirty feet, as I thought everyone knew that was a given.

    12. #12
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      And I thought that that part with the feet is when this nice good looking girls come into play. Now old paratrooper goes into it with his feet. Skip it.
      Steve M1911A1 likes this.

    13. #13
      Member TurboHonda's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Steve M1911A1 View Post
      paratrooper is almost right.
      He just left out some important details.

      First of all, make sure that your feet are not clean, and that there's lots of "toe jam" between the digits. That's where the yeast which ferments the wine comes from.

      Next, you need to choose whether you're making red wine or white wine. If it's red wine, you leave the grape skins in the mix. But if you're making white wine, you need to remove the grape skins. I think that this is best done from inside the fermentation vat. Also, to be absolutely certain that the resulting wine will be white, you need to very carefully remove all of those skins. This is best done with the fingers, one by one. From inside, remember.

      Then, you leave the juice to ferment. It develops a nasty-looking, gray goop on top, but ignore that. It also attracts insects and mice, but ignore them, too, because they just add flavor and body to the resulting wine. (But you do need to make sure that the mice are dead. Otherwise, they drink too much of the juice.)

      And that's it. In just a few short months (the ones with only 30 days–ignore those pesky 31-day months) you will have a vat of delicious wine. Decant it from the vat into whatever you have handy: Jelly jars, beer bottles, old shoes...best is the old rubber hot-water bottle from your bed. Seal them with whatever's handy. Used condoms are fine.

      Enjoy!
      This has been such an educational week for me. I've learned that scumbags not only loot wine, they help make it. Thank you, Steve. You're one of the smartest guys I don't know.
      Steve M1911A1 likes this.

    14. #14
      Senior Member paratrooper's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by PT111Pro View Post
      And I thought that that part with the feet is when this nice good looking girls come into play. Now old paratrooper goes into it with his feet. Skip it.


      I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't feel any need to make my own wine.

      But if I had by chance, I wear a size 15 boot. I'm thinking I would have stomped grapes much faster than the average Joe.

    15. #15
      Senior Member tony pasley's Avatar
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      Around here you get a large copper kettle about 30' of copper tubing a good fire some corn yeast and sugar and a couple of barrels for aging. Only comes in white.
      Steve M1911A1 and GETCHERGUN like this.

    16. #16
      Senior Member Steve M1911A1's Avatar
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      "Get you a copper kettle,
      Get you a copper coil,
      Fill it with new-made corn mash,
      And never more you'll toil.
      You just sit there by the junipers
      While the moon is shinin' bright,
      And watch them jugs a'fillin'
      By the pale moonlight..."

    17. #17
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      Quote Originally Posted by PT111Pro View Post
      you have Sunday lunch, you need a bottle red wine and the liquor store in your county is closed because it is holy Sunday.
      Plan accordingly and you won't need to search on a Sunday....
      I always buy plenty Friday / Saturday and hide half of it for Sunday.
      hillman likes this.

    18. #18
      Senior Member BackyardCowboy's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by paratrooper View Post
      I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't feel any need to make my own wine.
      That, and he's friends with Jeremiah, a local bullfrog. (He always had some mighty fine wine)
      SailDesign and Steve M1911A1 like this.

    19. #19
      Senior Member Bisley's Avatar
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      Dude, you live in Texas - native Texans drink iced tea with Sunday 'dinner.' Dinner is the mid-day meal - the evening meal is 'supper.'

      Five years ago, you couldn't even buy beer in the county I live in. You're just lucky it isn't 40 years ago, when NOTHING was open on Sunday except the gas station. This is the 'Baptist Belt,' where people have to buy alcoholic beverages in advance, or 'make a run' to the county line. We had to wait for the 'hard-shells' to die off before we could win a wet/dry election.

    20. #20
      Member hillman's Avatar
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      I was awhile figuring out what meal 'lunch' was, or even that it was a meal. Thought it meant the same as 'snack', so the term 'school lunch' was not educational.

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