Never let it be said that Ground Crews and Engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by RAAF Pilots to Maintenance Engineers to fix prior to the aircraft's next flight, and subsequent responses by Maintenance Crews.

(P) = The problem logged by the Pilot.
(S) = The Solution and action taken by Maintenance Engineers.


(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) a2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
(S) a2 Propeller seepage normal

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on backorder

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for!!

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words