Rules for North Carolina

**tony pasley** · 01-29-2008, 07:55 PM

Rules of NORTH CAROLINA
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an freaking idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-85 & I-95 go north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat North Carolina pork chops & corn on the cob. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the 15th of October.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!!

12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and high school basketball is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try University of North Carolina, Campbell University, N. C. State University, or East Carolina University. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so 'Don't Mess with North Carolina'. If you do, you will get your ass whipped by the best.

North Carolina is the greatest state ever!!
If you call North Carolina home, you are blessed,
whether you were born here or got here as soon
as you could. Count your blessings!

**Baldy** · 01-29-2008, 09:01 PM

Words of a ture country boy. Old Hank knows a country boy can survive. I am with ya Tony.

**fivehourfrenzy** · 01-29-2008, 10:37 PM

I'll follow up with some rules for central KY (mostly my hometown and surrounding areas):

1. If you don't drive a Dodge that can black smoke an intersection, you ain't cool. And if some 28-year old douchebag redneck black smokes you, he's just showing off to his 14-year old girlfriend so she'll blow him.

2. Calling someone a redneck or hillbilly is a compliment.

3. There is a big difference between being country and being redneck.

4. Don't walk into a tractor supply or Southern States without a blaze orange hat, Carrhart jacket, and Redwing boots. You'll get stared at, and possibly asked to leave for disturbing the peace and civility because "they don't like your kind."

5. Only city folks carry handguns. Being a real man and stick a camo shotgun in the backseat of your truck.

6. If you have a truck, put stacks on it, regardless of whether it's gas or diesel, and hang the cow balls from the hitch. They symbolize your manhood, so get the biggest, shiniest ones you can find.

7. To meet the classiest broads in town, hang out at the Wal-mart parking lot every night. They're fresh out of middle school and might've even started puberty.

8. Remove your catalytic converter, you pussy.

9. If Wal-mart isn't your scene, check out the bowling alley. Being good at Area 51 makes you a badass.

10. It's okay date your relatives, and their closest friends. Really, it's okay.

11. When you're out hunting, be sure and kill everything that moves, even if you're not going to bag it. It makes for some cool drinking stories that might get you laid.

12. If you can't afford a car, get a crotch rocket! Just make sure it has a big enough seat to fit Big Bertha on the back, 'cause you know she'll want a ride.

13. High alcohol tolerance makes you a king. Last one standing wins.

14. Run over curbs and parking stops instead of going around them. It shows you got power in that ride.

15. What are braces?

16. To get positive attention, throw mud all over your car or truck and never wash it off. It shows you live on a farm, go muddin', and you rule.

17. We just got an Ol' Charley's, I've never been in one of them things before!

18. It's stupid to pay for anything in full. Make monthly payments, it's the smart thing to do.

19. If you rob a theatre, be sure to stab yourself after you walk out and call the cops on yourself (yes, it's happened).

20. And finally, cherish your high school football days. They're as close to fame and fortune as you'll ever get.

Dammit I love my hometown.

**tnoisaw** · 01-29-2008, 11:04 PM

Love 'em!

Gunerd · 02-05-2008, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by tony pasley

Rules of NORTH CAROLINA

North Carolina is the greatest state ever!!
If you call North Carolina home, you are blessed,
whether you were born here or got here as soon
as you could. Count your blessings!

All good points! But as for the immediate above...South Caroline takes no back seat to the other 49.

**fivehourfrenzy** · 02-05-2008, 03:58 PM

You guys gotta be kidding. California's the best state ever!!!

**tony pasley** · 02-05-2008, 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by Gunerd

All good points! But as for the immediate above...South Caroline takes no back seat to the other 49.

Lived in both South Carolina is way to flat to suit me.

**Snowman** · 02-05-2008, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by tony pasley

15. Colleges? Try N. C. State University! They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

I fixed the small error for you. UNC girlie men drive anything but pickup trucks.

Good post!

**Steve M1911A1** · 02-10-2008, 03:22 AM

I tried to date a Kentucky girl once. Her family said that, since I wasn't her brother or first cousin, they didn't know me well enough to let me have her for the night. Oh, well...

Gunerd · 02-13-2008, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by tony pasley

Lived in both South Carolina is way to flat to suit me.

Flat? I live on the west side (upstate) Lots of mountains. Over a thousand ft.

**tony pasley** · 02-13-2008, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by Gunerd

Flat? I live on the west side (upstate) Lots of mountains. Over a thousand ft.

I live about 4,000 ft up above Clyde an 1-2 hour up the road.

Gunerd · 02-13-2008, 06:03 PM

Originally Posted by tony pasley

I live about 4,000 ft up above Clyde an 1-2 hour up the road.

Uh......my nose is stating to bleed just thinking about it. My fingers are starting to freeze also. Arthritis is creeping up too.

**tony pasley** · 02-13-2008, 06:31 PM

It is wonderful, my own shooting range in the front yard, nearest neighbor 268 yards straight down the mountian. Peace and quiet until I start shooting.

**fivehourfrenzy** · 02-13-2008, 11:52 PM

Lucky bastard.

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